


Boner and The Beast

by PetalsToTheMetal



Category: Black Butler, Kuroshitsuji
Genre: Crack, Hamburger Helper???, M/M, NSFW, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4814540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetalsToTheMetal/pseuds/PetalsToTheMetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You want crack fan fiction? You got it, microwaveslayer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boner and The Beast

"Every day, people come and try to tickle my funny bone," The Undertaker mumbled to the fresh corpse lying on the table. "But, today, I'm in the mood to tickle a different kind of bone..."  
He examined the body closely, inspecting every inch of it. He was incharge of preparing an open casket and he'll be damned if doesn't do a good job. After all, Sebastian may be one hell of a butler but, The Undertaker always knew how to put the "fun" in "funeral".  
The carcass was that of a man of great wealth who died in the most despicable way posible. He had been out partying with his bros when, suddenly, things took a turn for the worse. After one too many delectable brownies and sips of the finest liquor at the masquerade ball, things went from "no homo" to "so romo". This was a common case that happened all to frequently in down town London. A little dance. A little romance. Then, poof! Off come their pants.  
When the autopsy report came back, it revealed that the cunning gentleman was into taboo. You see, they say that good always die young but, they never say why or how. This time, however, would explain why. Hours before his demise, the lad had shoved an entire cabbage up his rear end in an intoxicated rush of adrenaline, while attempting to cook some Hamburger Helper. Why? Why do they call it Hamburger Helper if it doesn't even help you retrieve a cabbage from your anus?  
The Undertaker shook his head in disappointment. It is a known fact that, upon the death of an individual, blood begins to pool at the bottom of the body due to lack of circulation. Thus, resulting in a long lasting a erection. It was a stance most find to be quite embarrassing. Surely, this is not the way he'd like to be remembered by his friends and family. Naked? Disgraceful. Turned on? Grotesque. An entire cabbage shoved up his arse? Meh... Happens to the best of us.  
"I see now, love," He whispered. "The human body has two hundred and seven bones in it but, when you're near me, you have two hundred and eight."  
The Undertaker slipped the body into a more suitable garnment before doing the unspeakable. He wiggled his long, boney fingers and squeezed as hard as he could. A smile spread of his face at the mere sight of it. Snap! Crackle! Pop! Like a bowl of Rice Krispie's, it made the most profound noises. Around these parts, he was known by two names. You may have heard of The Undertaker. Now, get ready for.... The Donger-Breaker.


End file.
